Women’s History Month was last month, and I wanted to write about a related topic. Every few weeks, a new campaign or article generates discourse about equality in the workplace, the inclusion (or lack thereof) of women as industry leaders, and the age-old debate about whether or not women can really “have it all.” (Shoutout to Anne-Marie Slaughter!) Last year, Sheryl Sandberg’s Lean In documented the progress of women in the corporate world, and focused on personal agency and individual changes that empower women to reach their highest potential in the workplace.
This year, Sandberg is back with another campaign — to “ban bossy.” Remove it from our collective lexicon or at the very least, eliminate the negative connotations associated with the word when applied to young girls or women. Unlike the Lean In campaign, she acknowledges the wider issue at hand — macro gender structures and inconsistent social norms.
As the youngest and only girl growing up among a core group of older boys, I was often called bossy. To those who know me well, this probably doesn’t come as a surprise. However, it makes me think — Is it a young girl’s disposition that leads to the branding of bossy, or is it a reaction to being called bossy that pushes her to become more…aggressive for her ambitions?
And why does being called bossy carry different connotations when applied to males versus females? Men are confident, capable leaders. Women are ruthless and controlling. Like most children, my younger cousin is raised to be independent, think critically and freely, and dream big. Yet I do recall her being told by an authority figure to “stop being so bossy” aka stop leading recess games in order to come across as more likable to her classmates. Being discouraged by the term on the playground trickles into smaller settings in the classroom. A lot is expected, but when she rises to the expectations, she is silenced and reminded to prioritize likeability above all else.
There are people who argue that it isn’t a gendered term or that the actual word isn’t the problem. Banning bossy doesn’t excuse overt aggression and selfishness, but there’s no denying that the term, because of the connotation it implies, subdues young girls’ ambitions and voices. While not explicitly associated with sexism or misogyny, it’s the subtlety of the word that allows it to be so colloquially embraced and prevalent.
In hindsight, perhaps being called bossy pushed me to set more goals for myself. On the other hand, I can see how the prevalence of pushy female characters in the media and discussion about them affect my younger cousin; I try to be more aware of my words around her given how impressionable children her age are. Young girls don’t have the capacity to distinguish between the denotations and connotations, and may instead, choose to opt out of leadership roles at a young age. So while there’s debate about the intentions and feasibility of the Ban Bossy campaign, I’m just happy it’ll teach little girls to challenge sexist language, and take pride in being opinionated and ambitious.
The Medford Pact 